It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
