I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
