Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
