Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
