Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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