do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
