they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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