im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
