I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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