I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
