At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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