just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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