i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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