My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
