For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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