I'm lost and stupid without you.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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