Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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