Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I will be naked everywhere
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
