I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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