Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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