look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
