Just fell off a train. Bad.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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