Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
