Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
