Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
