worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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