I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
