Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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