You made me cry and you don't even care
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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