Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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