I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
