I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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