I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
