If that was your dad, he is hot
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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