Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
