Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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