I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
