So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
