I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just want nice things and good sex
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
