I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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