Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
