You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
