I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
