the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
