and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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