im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
