booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
