you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
