problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
