She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
