I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he thought i was a dude.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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