I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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