A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
