So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
