doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
